I dusted and dusted and dusted and dusted and dusted and dusted and dusted and dusted and dusted and dusted and dusted and dusted and dusted and dusted and dusted and dusted and dusted (gag) and dusted and dusted and dusted and dusted and dusted and dusted and dusted and dusted and dusted and dusted and dusted and dusted and dusted and dusted and dusted and dusted (barf)
Not just any dust mind you.. but MY dust is the worst dust on earth. (3:1 ratio instead of 8:1 like all you wimps have!!) (gag) Your regular dust is made up of plain old particles of dust, but MINE is part dust and part doghair and part mustard and part potato chip crumbs and part dingleberries and part ice cream cones and part motor oil and part coffee grounds and part frumunda cheese and part anal gland secretions and part catapilars and part shredded income tax forms and part nose hairs and part coton candy and part poop stains!
MY house is also bigger than any of your houses so that means I worked harder today than any of you have ever worked in your life including all total years of service in the military and volunteer work in soup kitchens!!
I wiped every surface in all the rooms but one and swept it all into that room. Then I took a leaf blower that my benefactor from Kooky anonomously bought me and I opened the door and blew all that 5093 tons of dust out into the street and onto my neighbors lawn.
It took several recharges to get it done because my benefactor is a cheap motherf u c k e r and he bought me some s h i t a s s generic brand instead of the super delux model that I deserve with all the attachments and even a built in coffee maker! (sigh)
And let me tell you.. no one has ever in the history of this world EVER done more work than I did today! I just wish that I had that super delux model, but they cost $4,000.00 (gag, barf) and I am very short on funds right now because my stupid C*** of an ex left me and my doggys with NO money and NO job and NO feelings except for BLIND HATRED FOR THAT BITCH WITH HER VAGINA FLAPPING IN THE BREEZE WHILE SHE AND HER NEW BOYFRIEND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER ON MY RETIREMENT MONEY THAT SHE STOLE WHILE I WAS TAKING MY MORNING.. NO, MY AFTERNOON NAP!!!!!!!!!
No one should EVER have to dust as much as I did today! ESPECIALLY me cause I am speshal. The no good for nothing Goddamn Government sure didnt bother to send me a Mexican to do my dusting for me now did they? Those ****ers should all be taken out back and shot!!
Anyway, I guess I'll go back to sitting in my ice cold house (no money for fuel..gag) and stare at the black tv screen (no money for cable..gag) and eat Hermoine's poop from this morning (no money for hamburgerhelper.. sigh) Just wanted to share with all my favorite people in the world here at good ole Uncle Bucks! I love you guys and if you can find it in your hearts to pray for me that I might find some money under the couch to eat so I dont have to sell my new flat screen tv, I'd appreciate it!!
ps.. please dont post any suggestions on how I can better my life.. I'm just too tired from dusting to come up with any fake excuses why all your perfectly reasonable suggestions wont work. (sigh)
